Don't Skate Stoned...

A fucked up gum line is a sure sign of fake teeth

Everyone that I looked up to as a young skater smoked dope. I remember being like fifteen years old and going to PISS (Private Indoor Skate Spot) and the guys out there were amazing skaters. I was from Stillwater so going to the big city and skating with my idols was a big deal. Anyway, we'd be skating and then the guys would take a break to get stoned. So, naturally, I'd join in cuz I wanted to be cool. Skating high can be really fun but it can also be very painful. Some skaters would smoke and just be dialed. I mean, they would make everything. Dave Leroux, who became one of the top vertical skaters in the world, would smoke up and go into some other world of one-footed backside nosegrind lipslides and indy gay twists so boned you'd get a hard on. Not me, though. I had a tendency to get high and turn into a retard. I'd pretty much sit and laugh at nothing. That would be fine, but every once in a while I'd think I could skate.

I don't remember much about the day, but I think it was summer. I was in the parking of the Twin Cities Skate Oasis getting pie eyed and then went in to skate. Back then I was into rolling in on the vert ramp. So as I was in the middle of a run I rolled out of the ramp up onto the platform (keep in mind the ramp was 44 feet wide back then) and I was planning to roll back into the ramp. The problem was, as I was rolling parallel to the coping I thought that I didn't have enough speed to make it back into the ramp. It was about this tenth of a second of doubt (where I'd normally abort) when I heard Adam Effertz (Scissors) yell, "go for it, Perry". So I did. And I was right. I didn't have enough speed to make it over the coping. But it was too late. I threw my weight over the edge and my back truck hung and my body went face first eleven feet down to the flatbottom.

I jumped up right away. I'm no pussy. But I had a concussion pretty bad and the first thing I realized was that the blood I was seeing was coming from my face. Two of my front teeth went through my upper lip and stuck into the masonite. Woody (Eric Froland) told me that he had to yank them out of the ramp. Anyway, I called my mom on the phone and told her what happened and then I kinda blanked out. Next thing I know I'm in the hospital and there is this thing on my neck (they thought I broke it) and I was going in for some x-rays. I told them that my neck was fine but they made me go anyway. So as some doctor was looking at my x-rays and sees that my neck's not broken he also notices that I only had one lung. The other one popped on impact. Cool, huh? I didn't even know it. It hurt a little, but so did everything else.

The lung healed up and after several attempts I got some teeth that didn't make me look like a mongoloid. The new ones are bolted to my skull. At least I don't have to worry about them falling out. Anyway, that was the last time I skated stoned. Fair warning.

BRIAN PERRY