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06/25/08

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GETTING OUT OF THE HOUSE

BY BRIAN PERRY
7/16/04 - 7/18/04
PHOTOS BY CHARLIE WILKINS (EXCEPT DOONERS UPSKIRT)

"That's right buddy, let it all out." That's what Charlie told the bum pissing all over the place in the middle of the sidewalk on our way to the bar. We then got to talking about the phrase 'only in New York' and we agreed that as stupid as that sounds it's probably true.

We were walking down the street and suddenly I see this. Did the cops shoot it? Did the bear pass out? I tried to get Dooner to fuck it but he wouldn't.
I've judged a lot of contests over the years but this was my first pro only contest. I'm completely confident in my ability but I was still a little nervous about it. I think the fact that I'm getting married in like a month made this seem like no big deal. In fact it helped. It was a great break from planning and computers and everything else. Most of you know that Muldoon has been a pro judge for several years now so he and I flew out together to New York for the T-Mobile Ramps and Amps contest. It was an invite only vert contest with Bob, Bucky, PLG, Andy, Tom Boyle, Furlong, Gentry, Dove, Sandro and Jake Brown.

Our flight sucked because I had to piss the second I sat down but I was in a window seat and the two next to me fell asleep right away and it's a relatively short flight so I decided to hold it. So when we got to JFK I pissed and we went to get a cab but they told us it was fifty bucks to Manhattan. Dooner thought we could get reimbursed but we opted for a shuttle for a little less. The shuttle sucked worse than the flight. This dude drove all over the place picking people up and didn't know where he was taking any of us. He had never heard of the street our hotel was on. And halfway there he got off the Van Wick to meet up with some shady dude to make a deal in the middle of the street. He handed the guy a bundle of money (over the tourist in the passenger seat) and said 'one thousand five hundred dollars'. We all just kinda laughed. Not much else to do at that point. Anyway, an hour later the guy gets into Manhattan and starts dropping people off. I'm about to barf from car sickness so I convince Dooner to just jump off this fucking hell. So that's what we did. I guess I just didn't know how far we were from the hotel. We skated from around 50th all the way down to the south end of the island. Dooner was pretty unhappy with my navigation. He was soaking wet with sweat and he got sand in his vagina so he was very crabby.

Could Dooner look any happier? Dooner, Lauren, Vic

We found the hotel and got ourselves checked in. It was a nice place. Jacuzzi tub and everything. It would have had a great view of the Brooklyn Bridge but we were on the 5th and a half floor so the windows were either on the floor or near the ceiling. A little odd. Then we went out to get a beer at Jeremy's house of Ale. Great place. Giant beers and good/shitty food. Everything served in plastic and Styrofoam and the beers are as big as your head. We had a few of those and checked out the ramp on the Pier. Looks good. Dooner hasn't seen much in NY so we took the subway up to Central Park. We got a few more beers and staggered into the dog section. Dooner cozied up to some little mutt and I was laughing at the French Bulls. I love those dogs. They're kinda everywhere now and $1,500 a pop is a bit steep. They're funny though.

We had a bet on who would see the first person they knew outside of the contest. Dooner won.
Anyway, we get out of Central Park and go back to the apartment. That's when Charlie Wilkins (pro skater/head judge) showed up with his wife Vic. They were both super nice so we all took off to Brooklyn. I guess you could say I was pretty drunk. Not like puking, staggering drunk but I had a good buzz on. So Charlie takes us to some indoor wooden bowl in Brooklyn. It was a crazy ass bowl. Vert walls, pool coping, the whole thing went shallow to deep and there was this tit in the middle of it to roll over. I didn't have my camera pretty much the whole trip so I don't have pics of it but trust me, it was different. I tried to skate it but kept slamming. Dooner was far more brave but he went down like a sack of walnuts on a kickturn at one point. There were a lot of rad locals there plus a few pros. It was a really cool warehouse.

I wanted to be clear headed to judge in the morning and at this point I'm feeling pretty good. I sweat out a lot of beer so we went to another bar for a while. I remember doing shots with Dooner, Vic and a girl named Lauren but Charlie passed. It was his first time as head judge so he wanted to stay level. He's a super good dude. Great person to work with and very entertaining. Anyway, we crash at Lauren's place and I woke up to the sound of Charlie barfing. The one guy who didn't drink too much was honking. Dooner and I on the other hand felt pretty good. I think Charlie might be allergic to alcohol or something. We felt really bad for him but he pulled it together quickly and off we went for a day of judging.

I love this picture. Charlie and a pretty drunk version of me.
We were sitting up on the platform for the contest. It was awesome. We did a highest air that Jake Brown won, a best trick that Matt Dove won with a backside 360 late shove over an 8 foot channel and Andy Mac ended up winning the contest. It's so rad to see those guys live. I was very impressed. Since I was a judge I'm not going to get into further details other than it was a lot of fun.

After the contest we went on some boat in the harbor for an after party. I got a beer and someone handed me a lobster. Like a whole lobster. I'm an incredible pussy when it comes to food. I looked down and saw guts and stuff that looked like poop. I didn't eat it. Eventually someone at our table cracked into it. Yikes. So after that we went to a bar called Max Phish. It's sorta a skate bar. Dill hangs out there so I guess that makes it a skate bar. He came over to talk to Charlie at one point so we were introduced and then Dooner came up and Charlie says 'and this is Muldoon'. Dill looks at Dooner and says 'I think we've met before'. And Dooner says to him 'yeah, you kinda look familiar'. It was a lot funnier if you were there. Just before that happened Dooner was tugging on my shirt saying 'there's Jason Dill!'. He was playing it cool I guess. Dill was bummed.

Dooner testing his photography skills.
Charlie took me to an awesome middle eastern food joint that night. I think I got a falafel sandwich - I'm not sure. Whatever it was it was awesome. Then it was getting late and our flight was leaving at 8 in the morning so I thought we should get going. We went outside and Dooner came out thinking that we were going somewhere else. When we said we were going home he called us names and asked how to get back to the bar. We showed him the way and took off. I got a ride back at 3 in the morning and jumped into the tub. Dooner showed up some time later and we got about 2 hours of sleep.

We took a cab to the airport, got on the plane and started flying home. It was a pretty full flight so Dooner and I weren't sitting together. I was near the back. The people in the very back moved up because it was too noisy back there so I went back in the empty isle and laid down. Before I know it I'm totally asleep. About an hour later I woke up all confused and had to take a piss. I went to get up and nearly flopped into the isle. It took a second to realize that my shoes had been tied together. I laughed almost the rest of the ride home. Not so much for the act but the idea of Dooner sneaking back there and doing it. He must have been so excited. That shit hasn't happened to me since like second grade. It was funny then and it's still funny now.

Only in an airplane from New York....